I haven’t blogged in a while because I’ve pretty much been in hiding! It sounds like I’ve fallen away from God but I couldn’t have fallen more in love with him and just at the right time! I took a break to seek him, to spend time with him and just be with him. I’ve been struggling with all sorts of weird emotions this last while. I’ve been having moments where I wake up in the morning and have this absolute feeling of dread for what the days going to bring. I struggle with feelings of self consciousness, constantly worrying about how I’m perceived by others; and I look at my appearance and wonder if I’m anything special. I look at other girls and wish I could have their confidence. In short, I’ve felt like a bit of a joke lately. In all of this though, I haven’t lost sight of the silver lining that God’s forever reminding me off. When I found myself single over a month ago, I couldn’t have pictured dealing with it in the way I have. I’ve definitely said things that I’m not proud off and reacted badly at times when I shouldn’t have. I’m young and I’ve never dealt with a break up. But I’m at a point where all the sad moments are drowned out by moments of happiness. I look at my friends and the way they look at me. The way they hug me and laugh with me. That’s love. These girls have been the source of every good feeling that’s made me feel loved and I know God brought them into my life for this exact reason. I see strengths in their characters that I didn’t always notice. Sarah keeps my feet on the ground with words of insight. She knows what to say despite not having been in the same situation. Meghan balances that out perfectly by allowing me to stick my head in the clouds every now and then. Sarah grounds me and protects me from disappointment whilst Meghan opens my mind to the amazing possibilities that await me. Dups just makes me laugh until I can’t breathe. She reminds me that I really am happier and that I haven’t lost something that I won’t have again in the future.  I used to look at girls who had relationships end and wonder why they took it so hard. I think in a lot of cases it isn’t the loss of a boyfriend that hurts the most. It’s the loss of a friend. Maybe even the loss of a period of your life where you felt most secure. That part of my life is over and here I stand. Firm and steadfast in my faith, anticipating blessings that the Lord has in store. I don’t regret anything in all of this. I don’t feel anger anymore which is the most freeing thing in the world! I am genuinely happy and the BEST part about all this is that, that happiness isn’t from worldly things. It’s from feeling God working in my life. He’s opening my mind to things I would never have considered when in a relationship. I feel at peace with all that’s happened and can firmly say that I’m trusting God entirely on this one. He’s preparing me for something. And he’s giving me a heart that forgives. I’m letting go of any negative feelings I’ve had in all this and pray for the other person, asking God to be with him and bring him happiness. I sleep sound every night knowing that God is doing that. The silver lining is scarily vast and it’s real! I write this in the hope that another girl reads it and sees that silver lining, if even for a moment. My Saviour heals all wounds and Lord, your patching up that wound pretty dang good.

If you really seek love, turn to the girls who’ve been there from the start. The girls who have cried with you, shared your pain, made you laugh, made you hope and made you joyful. Those girls have been placed in your life as vessels from your Maker. I believe strongly that God understands the struggle in trusting what you can’t physically see and because of this, I think he places people in our lives to remind us of him. You can see him. He’s all around you! He’s the one at the end of the phone when your upset. He’s the one who drops everything in a heartbeat to console you. Treat these friends well and value them alongside your faith. When they tell you, you’ll be okay – take it from me – they don’t get it wrong.