Caught in the CrossFire

I’ve been put through a small trial these past two days. Well, I certainly didn’t see it like that as I was going through it. I thought it was just a series of unfortunate events that God was happy to let unfold but now I’m on the other side - I can see Gods purpose in it. I was struggling with a lot of anxiety and despite feeling calm when with a friend, as soon as I was left to my own devices, I stumbled. In the heat of things, I forgot that God was there to listen. I forgot that he may even have a plan in it all. Now, I can definitely see that purpose unfolding.

 I think that we need small trials and obstacles to keep us alert in our faith. I was lashing out at my boyfriend in a lot of ways when all I really had to do was pour it all out to God. Girls have this weird need to feel validated – we need to feel as though we have a right to be upset sometimes, which makes it so hard for us to swallow our pride and simply confide in God instead of others. It’s the decision I COULD have made, yet didn’t.

 However, despite that mistake, everything turned out perfectly fine. My anxiety was settled and I could see things for what they were, which is a work of God. I went from praying for peace in how the situation had happened to THANKING God for opening my eyes. I’ve been enjoying reconnecting with God and I know he’s pleased I’ve made that step in my life. But that optimism blinded me to the hard work it takes to equip myself in dealing with a world that rejects God and as a result, rejects me sometimes. It’s been amazing reconnecting with God but I’m comfortable in my faith now. God’s pushing me a bit further in light of that, and is reminding me of the effort that being his servant requires. I think he used my relationship to demonstrate this to me. No wonder God blessed me with an incredibly patient boyfriend – I wasn’t myself this week, and he dealt with it like I knew I could rely on him too!

I’ve learnt that it’s great to rejoice in my relationship with God but I have to also use it as my armour. I can experience Gods love when I receive blessings, but his love is even more so present when I feel like things aren’t going my way. I did find a verse that reminds me of this lesson, and although it doesn’t talk about faith as such, it’s exactly what I think God was teaching me to do –

“Be sober; be vigilant for your adversary, the devil, walketh about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” – 1^st Peter Ch5: v8

It may not be the most uplifting verse but prayer in its self uplifts me. I felt drawn to this verse which led me to believe God was reminding me of the importance of awareness. As rocky as the last few days have been, it’s all worth it when God speaks and assures you that it’s all in his grand scheme of things.