Caught in the CrossFire
My name is Debbie Cross and I am a Christian. I've become revitalised in my faith and have opened a blog to share my journey with God, my loving Saviour. I detail my daily struggles, quiet times and verses that mean a lot to me.
My journey is possible because of one act.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)
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“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” – CS Lewis.
This struck a chord with me today. I spend so much time relying on God, taking every little infliction and placing as much of a positive spin on it as possible. Sometimes, I struggle through the school day, just about clinging to the thought of Gods master plan that I can’t quite grasp yet. I torture myself with the need to know why things happen at the exact moment they do. I find it difficult to live in the moment because while I’m aware I’ll experience immense blessings in this life with God, I’ll also endure fierce hardships. It makes me so anxious sometimes because I know that for every good thing God provides, he’ll also test me. Relentlessly, in a loving, fatherly way but when I can’t get past all the hurt I may face in the future, for a moment, that doesn’t seem like much of a consolation.
I’ve realised that my fear of what’s to come in this life with God isn’t really about trusting his perfect plan. It’s more that I know the cost at which this plan must unfold. I know there will be many sacrifices, heartache and pain.
I rarely feel scared about what God will do in my life. I trust that he’s bringing me to places I need to be, people i need to meet and allowing me to experience things that will better me as a person. It’s the journey that I tend to obsess over and analyse. I’m assured that everything will be done for Gods glory and that nothing will leave me feeling worse off.
I want my walk with God to be joyful and unhindered by the harsh realities of life. Negative thoughts tend to infiltrate my mind when I’m going through periods of stress, like exams. I’ve been thinking of this quote all day and I’m thankful that Gods showing me parts of myself that I can work on and progress with. As I write this, I’m in a pretty bad mood. In fact, I’m in a pretty foul mood! Exams are on the horizon and I’ve too much on my mind to focus properly.
Within an hour, I know I’ll be fine again. I’ll talk to God; he’ll tell me its okay and quieten my anxious heart. He’ll remind me that I’m living a life that’s been mapped out with immense grace and precision timing. I’ll sit over my bible and read something that stirs that familiar fire in my heart again and I’ll remember that I’m truly happy, even in times of sadness. I’ll step away from Gods throne feeling renewed and ready to fight, ready to submit, ready to learn. This will stay with me until my next downhearted day, and the process will repeat. And that’s not a bad thing. That’s exactly why we need God.
This life consists of constant flying, soaring, falling, crashing, and then mustering up the courage to get right back up and face whatever knocked us down. I don’t think I could do that over and over without a little faith.
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Isn’t it frustrating when you feel like everyone has it figured out and you don’t? Don’t get me wrong! I’m convinced that I should pursue English at University! I’m extremely grateful that this has been revealed to me now so that I could do my research and ease my mind a bit. Then I realised I still needed to find 3 more courses to apply to in University…and for real’s, I’m stuck.
Everyone I know seems to have the one thing they want to do. Easy, no sweat! But I’m all over the place! I’m applying for English, then nursing and then possibly a few therapy courses. Something’s got to go, right?
Then I thought, “Wait…Hold up. Who am I to say this isn’t how it should be?” I mean, realistically, God rarely makes anything straightforward. That way, prayer is a MUST in everything we do. So, I’m coming around to the idea of this. Perhaps God is opening my eyes to all the possibilities in my life. At the end of the day, I’ll get accepted to whichever course he intends and I’m assured of the fact that said course will be one in which I feel drawn too.
I discovered this verse in my quiet time – “There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.” – Proverbs 23:18
So, there I go! It doesn’t matter how scattered everything seems now! Just because God revealed a tiny part of his possible plan, it doesn’t mean he’s obliged to show me everything! I got a taste of hearing God speak indefinitely and then felt confused when the advice wasn’t flowing in. But he has been advising me. He’s been advising me to just chill! I’m happy that what I’m doing now isn’t abnormal or going to set me back. I’m simply going to have to spend a lot of time consulting God, and quite frankly, it’s only going to better me in my faith! A little bit of panicking here and there, which can’t be helped when it’s a pretty life altering decision, is more than worth it, if ultimately I learn to depend on God entirely.
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When in doubt about our future, we should ask the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us. My daily quote for the day was “Life is God’s precious gift to you - may you spend it bringing glory to him.”
It struck me that we all have varying futures. We can’t depend on what our friends envision for us, or even what we plan for ourselves. It’s all in Gods planning. But we all have one thing in common - our futures will be spent glorifying our Lord if we listen and obey him in every turn we take.
So if you’re worried about a decision that needs to be made soon, simply ASK God to give you peace that his will be carried out in due time. Life doesn’t have to be a cryptic code ALL the time - we can gain clarity if we have enough faith in Gods ability to help us understand.
James Ch 1: v5 - “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him.”
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In light of impending exam results and university applications, I’ve decided I need to dedicate some time each day to exploring God’s will. I want to face my results seeing Gods purpose, and not what I consider to be my own failure.
In other words, I simply need to believe that whatever’s in store for me, God will get it right. He always does. This verse pretty much sums it up:
“Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. He will spend his days in prosperity and his descendants will inherit the land.” - Psalm Ch25: v12-13.
I’m about to look at English courses in a few universities. I believe that God will guide me, just as he promised.
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Ever since I started this blog and writing in my quiet times, I’ve felt increasingly drawn to writing. It’s one of those things I’ve always loved but don’t make enough time for in my life! I do think every now and then, “Is writing my path… a true talent that God wishes to nurture?” but then I chicken out of REALLY considering it because then I wouldn’t have a clue where I’m going. I’ve wanted to do Midwifery for so many years but lately, I haven’t felt like it’s my true calling. I don’t feel the same about it anymore. As I let go of that idea for my future, writing becomes more obvious. I shouldn’t feel ashamed to recognise a possible gift that God wishes to use for his Glory but I am terrified of getting it wrong. Part of me feels like writing is far too obvious a choice – I enjoy it and I’m pretty good at English, but so what? Then it hit me. God gives us passions for a reason. When we do a little soul searching, he usually shows us this in full effect.
So, I’m just back from a quiet time where I prayed to God for ages about this. I want to obey him, and for some reason, I feel like I’m choosing what I want for my future – not what God wants. I had finished prayer and was flicking through my journal and in a little scribble, I wrote “1st Timothy Ch4: V 12” on its own. I recognised the verse! But I thought I’d look it up anyways… and what did I find?
The picture above pretty much sums it up. I never realised I’d looked beyond that verse and clear as day, I had highlighted “Do not neglect your gift.”
I felt right at that moment God had spoken to me and I was actually speechless. I had been speaking to him out loud and REALLY felt his presence. And then he reveals this to me! I’m overwhelmed right now. I definitely think I need to re-evaluate the plans I had for myself and go by what God seems to be telling me. My verse for the day fitted my situation perfectly too:
“Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my saviour and my hope is in you all day long” – Psalm Ch25: v4-5
That’s exactly what I had been doing in my quiet time. I was seeking guidance and I needed God to give me some direction, but I hadn’t been letting him until today! The days seem to be flying by and I thought I had it all sussed but in reality, I’ve been worrying about it way too much. Probably because God was telling me to consult him. I’m so sooo glad I did! I feel like I’ve been given the guidance I need to feel confident about my future.
Isn’t God amazing! He always speaks when you least expect it! That probably means we expect too little – something to think about, for me anyway.
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Every minute spent living for ourselves rather than for God is one more minute spent with our future hanging in the balance. Every single second we spend ignoring the gift of Salvation is one less second spared to make the greatest decision of our lives. Don’t waste time - God may not wait around another second to reclaim this world.
