My inbox is open to any questions about my faith and Christianity. I’m happy to simply talk with other Christians, answer questions, offer advice or provide some support for struggling brothers and sisters!

I don’t need to know the face behind the name. It won’t make a difference to me!

If you’ve something on your mind and want a third person perspective or even just some unbiased advice, I’m your girl.

I hope to chat soon :)

Lord, I wonder how much of a true servant I am to you. Sometimes my words and actions seem so far from what you’ve taught me and I question my spiritual growth. I look at the many ways in which you’ve blessed me and I cannot possibly repay you. Growth is hard to measure. Sometimes, I’m on the very cusp of breaking through but never quite get there. Every day, I’m striving. I’ve gone from making an effort to pray to praying without much thought. Yet I’m experiencing the best prayer sessions in my walk with you. That’s growth.

I’ve gone from making an effort to include you more and more in my life to physically being unable to revise for exams until I’ve sat down and spent time with you. I act on those moments of impulse you give me, Lord, instead of telling myself I have more pressing things to do. That IS growth. Things remain in my life that frustrates me greatly when placed beside the things you’re already achieving in me. I find it difficult to hold my tongue and keep an opinion to myself. Half the time, I don’t even consider how hurtful that opinion can be, but I voice it anyway. In that moment, I feel so disappointed in myself that I forget all the things you’ve been helping me get right.

I am changing – in small yet very important ways. I’m changing things in my life that used to be crumbling around me. When I’m in your presence, nothing feels too overwhelming or hard to take. All I feel is peace. All I experience is love. And I’m no longer weak.

I have so much to work on in my life but for all my flaws, I’m willing to submit, Lord. All my cares, stresses and, anxieties - I’m willing to give them to you and leave my worries trailing behind me. This year is going to present many changes in its self, but you’ve given me a courageous spirit. I know I’m facing every mountain with you, Lord. Every hurtful word and spiteful comment will be dealt with in prayer. I’ll revel in every awkward conversation just because I’ve decided to share my faith with someone else. I’ll face pain with joy and acceptance (probably after I shout at you in prayer – when anger hits, you know my first instinct, Lord.) but I’ll always seek to understand why you do things. This year is the year of The Lord for me. The first year I’ve ever walked consistently with you. Getting it wrong, getting it right, not getting anything at all. And it will all be done with you.

So, I’m asking you to use me. To look past my past failures and struggles when most other humans can’t.  Rid me of the assumption that because I spent so many years struggling in my faith, that others can’t see you in me anymore. Even in my weakest hours, I want to be used. Even if another girl see’s me stumbling and realises she’s no worse for stumbling at times too. I love you, Lord. I love the things I can feel happening and I’m ready to be used.

So, I’m ready when you are.

The other day, my devotional book dealt with the topic of Self Control. This is an issue I’ve swept under the carpet many times in the more immature days of my faith, mainly because I knew it would reveal a very erratic, uncontrolled Child of God. The irony is that I was UNDER the control of sin, hence why I didn’t have much control of myself at all. Perhaps now that I’m growing under Gods wings, it’s time to face parts of myself that have been thriving under a lack of control for quite some time.

There’s one issue that springs to mind as soon as I open myself up to this question – What areas of my life need a little self control to better my walk with God?

Gossiping.

I’m ashamed to admit that I struggle with such a generic teenage girl habit. It’s something I don’t think a lot of people would guess about me because it’s only with certain friends that I’d allow this part of myself to REALLY come out in full force. But it’s very much there and present and wholly ungodly and it’s a part of myself that I really HATE. I find myself saying things all the time about others that are SO judgemental, yet I hate to be stereotyped myself. I do and say things that if I thought were said about me…. would hurt.  A lot.

I forced myself to be completely honest about this with God because he sees my heart. He knows the guilt I feel in the aftermath of saying horrible things and my confusion. WHY do I let myself think the way I do? Even worse, WHY do I feel the need to laugh at others and make these thoughts vocal? HOW is that benefitting me or anyone around me? It’s an ugly truth that’s been hindering my walk with God. So, I had to think – what am I doing that’s making this such a hard habit to break?

Then it hit me. The music I listen too. Yes, I know that we’re all guilty of having a song or two that have questionable lyrics but I don’t just LISTEN to music. I use it as a proper escape. I have alter egos in my mind speaking the same words of the song, addressing people with ugly truths in my head that I could never say to their face in real life.

 An example?  Nicki Minaj. I frequently imagine myself singing her lyrics which are pretty bad, and in my head, I KNOW who I’m referring too. I suppose it’s a rebellious part of me, concocting some sort of character in my head that’s the complete opposite of who I am in real life. The scary thing is that I become more like that character in how I speak, the more I let myself enjoy it.

If I spend every morning on the school bus listening to rap music that’s both insulting and demeaning towards others and the world, how can I possibly be ready to uplift others with my OWN speech? I’ve always had this worry in the back of my mind. When I listen to certain songs, I can feel a shift in mindset. Some songs give me the wrong kind of adrenaline that seems to seep into my conversations. I become braver in my own opinion which is usually completely wrong and misplaced. It’s like I adapt the attitude of whoever’s singing the song and claim it as my own.

I took some time to delete every song from my iPod that I think contributes to this part of myself that doesn’t shine so bright for God. I’m supposed to be immersing myself in God as much as possible and this is just a small, practical step to allow myself to do so. There are many other things I need to be doing in order to take control of my tongue. God will help me work the rest out – this is just one thing he’s been gradually making me see for a while!

I have this personal joke with my friend, Megz, where we refer to each other as a “cup of tea”.  The whole point behind this is that instead of going to each other and complaining endlessly about things, we try as much as we can to bring it to God first. Then, when we feel calm, we speak to each other and try to see the positives in everything. We basically help to build each other back up when we’re shaken. So, God’s like this big slice of fudge cake that satisfies our hunger and then, when we’re comfortably full, we find warmth in each other’s words of encouragement and hope, that pretty much reinforces what Gods been telling us.

It’s only lately that I’ve really started to appreciate this approach to our friendship and I’ve definitely noticed it becoming a natural habit. When we accepted Christ into our lives, we had no idea what the future with him would hold. Now that we’re taking our faith seriously and considering it as being who we are rather than a small part of us - things have been changing majorly. We’re constantly dealing with new emotions, confusing situations and varying degrees of heartache. I think we underestimated just how much God would want to transform us

But I believe that God brought us together to deal with these changes. I hear all the time that we shouldn’t rely on comfort from others before we get it from God. But then what exactly is the point in having friends, especially ones that you consider a blessing sent from God?

 Megz and I fulfil a very important purpose in each other’s lives. We’re constantly comforting and reassuring each other. We remind each other of why God brings us through things and we persevere, knowing we’re experiencing similar struggles and enduring personal battles for the same Glory.

I believe Meghan is used by God to provide clarity in my life. She’s a vessel that he’s making permanent use of in every way imaginable. She softens the blow of every infliction I receive. She’s with me in the aftershock of Gods theatrics as he turns thing upside down on a daily basis to test me.

Everyone needs a sister like Meghan. Everyone needs a friendship that endures and understands the way ours does. There’s really no other way to put it – we aren’t blood sisters on earth, but we’re bound by the blood of Jesus and for me, that’s as close as it gets.

I literally haven’t typed a word on my blog for around a month. I still love writing and still feel rejuvenated in my faith. But I am a little disappointed in myself. I was lying in bed last night and thinking about how I’ve repeatedly said to myself this last while, “I’ll do this tomorrow” or “I’ll have time later” and it’s such a destructive thought pattern! It brings me back to months ago when I’d constantly put God on the backburner and it’s those kinds of thoughts that made me feel so down in my faith. I still care though. I care enough to try and make the time now. I can’t make excuses about having too much school work because when I really think about it, there IS time. Its way too easy to push God aside once you think you’ve got your relationship sorted. It’s always going to be there – but unfortunately for people like me, that doesn’t mean it will always be strong. If only I had a grip like Gods. That way, I’d never let go and become so concerned with everything around me and forget him. But he’s been on my mind and I’m taking time tonight to break myself back into the routine I followed so well in summer! It’s weird – I don’t think I’ve hit a wall in my faith, or even a rough patch. I just think I’ve been WAY too laid back. I put God on hold and ended up forgetting to get back to him. But I don’t feel defeated – I’m more than willing to sort myself out and writing about it has always been a huge factor in moving forward.

I’m going to be in University next year and I won’t be able to make excuses for why I don’t make the effort. It’s time with God that I should be prioritising! So, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to consistently set aside time each night after school to have a little God time and bring him back to the centre – exactly where he should be.